To Kermit and Piggy on their wedding day.

I’m so happy to be here tonight toasting the two most influential Muppets on their wedding day, Kermit and Miss Piggy, or should I say Mrs. The Frog. Kermit, I’m so happy that you finally decided to ask Piggy to marry you. It’s about time! And Miss Piggy, I’m sure you’re thrilled because you have waited so long for this day. We got a glimpse of this beautiful day when you put on that Broadway show in “Muppets Take Manhattan”, but the real day has finally arrived. I’m sure you’ll both be as happy as pigs in the mud, no offense Miss Piggy.

You both have influenced me in ways that I’m sure you didn’t know, and I’m sure I didn’t know that I was being influenced by you when I watched you on television. When I think of you two, it takes me back to my childhood when I used to watch your entertaining movies and the reruns of your television show. You’re both so dramatically different and yet you’re both so funny in your own little ways.

Kermit, you’ve always been so caring, and you always cared about other people’s feelings. Though you had your moments of frustration, like when something was going wrong with the show, you always know how to handle a stressful situation. You taught me to be kind to everyone I meet, no matter if they were black or white, or green or blue or orange or a monster. You probably didn’t even know that you taught me these things, but I thank you because you made me a better person.

Miss Piggy, I always have loved all of the quick, witty remarks that you retort back to people who make you angry. You always know how to put someone in their place. You also know how to get people to listen to you with a quick, “Haaai-yah!” I’ve never been able to completely master this skill. The ability to send someone flying across a room is rare today, and I will continue to try and master it. No matter how many times you karate-chop Kermit across the room, you still forgive and love him. I have learned from you how to get out my aggression and frustrations, but also how to forgive and love.

It is my hope that all of your many years together will be happy and karate-chop free. And when you have friglettes or tadpigs or whatever, I hope that they are just as kind, caring, witty and skilled at karate as you are. I toast to you as a fan and I toast to you as a friend. Here’s to you!