The Toilet Story

It started as a normal day. It started as a normal toilet. It only went downhill from there.  

Nearly 6 years ago, Last Minute had one of their first rehearsals at Jen Cooke's house. The first to arrive were Dee, Meagan, Cyndi (Mercedes) Lewis, and me. Cyndi came to watch. We're still wondering why she decided to come that day (not that we weren't happy that she was there), but we are so glad she did because she really is the one that makes this story funny.

Let's review some LM history:
Dee was new to the neighborhood because she had just moved to Tennessee from Lansing, MI to become a singer/songwriter. Barbershop is close enough, right?  

Becca and Meagan knew each other from chorus and their riveting conversations usually went something like this:
"Hey, how are you?" 
"Good." 
"Good." 
"Good."  

Tiffany (who will not appear in this story) was LM's first bass, but I have no idea where she was that night. It is possible that she was having to work or finish up some stuff regarding the Navy because she was shipping out later that year.  

Anyway, just to set the scene for you, we were waiting to get started. Dee was sitting in the TV room eating an ice cream sundae out of a martini glass and watching "Good Will Hunting", and I had to go to the bathroom. I don't remember what Cyndi, Jen and Meagan* were doing, but I had other things on my mind.

What started as a normal bathroom trip turned into, what is now, the most infamous Last Minute story ever told.

I won't go into details, but I went to the bathroom. Use your imagination.

The toilet flushed, but then to my great dismay started to go the opposite way that it was intended to go. Panic. Imagine how you feel when that happens in your own house. Now, imagine that happening in someone else's.


I sheepishly opened the bathroom door and called for Jen.


"Jen? The toilet is overflowing and I cannot get it to stop."


Laughter.


We got the water turned off, but that stubborn toilet would NOT unclog. I put all of my might into getting that toilet to flush and it would not budge. I plunged and plunged and plunged and plunged. No dice. It was angry with me and refused to comply.


Keep in mind that Dee is still in the TV room watching "Good Will Hunting" and eating her ice cream sundae out of the Martini glass. So while all of the toilet fiasco is happening, Dee dropped and broke the Martini glass that held her chocolate fudge sundae. We heard the crash from the TV room. (I'm surprised Jen still allows us to come over.)

"Oops.", said Dee.

"What happened?", I called from the bathroom.

"Dee broke the Martini glass.", someone called back to me.

What a fantastic start to our rehearsal.

While they were cleaning up the suicidal sundae, Cyndi and I continued to figure out how to get this toilet unclogged. We had exhausted the plunger plan and decided we just had to go for it. We had to go in and there was no looking back. 

"I think we're just going to have to...(I hated to say it)...go in.", I told Cyndi.

"Okay, but just so you know I have a terrible gag reflex. I'll be fine.", she replied.

The idea to put full-sized garbage bags on our arms was mentioned, and since that was the only idea we could come up with, we went with that. Imagine if you will, Cyndi and I both clad with our garbage bag arms, tied off at the bicep with a ponytail holder.

At that point, Jen, Meagan, and Dee decided they needed to go to the bathroom. Unfortunately for them, I had tied up the only one in the house. The needed to go out for milk and bleach anyway, so they decided to visit the local gas station for all of their needs. Dee had told us that the bleach would brake up the blockage and at that point we were willing to try anything.

While they were gone Cyndi and I took turns pillaging the toilet, but because of Cyndi's sensitive gag reflex every 5 seconds I would hear her gag and then follow it with "I'm okay."

This is not a sound you want to hear just above your head.

When we found that nothing was in the toilet, we located some cleaner that had bleach in it so we threw some of that in the toilet to see if it would dissolve any blockage. When that didn't work we threw some Pine Sol in for good measure. Please note important fact. Bleach and Ammonia are NOT to be mixed. Apparently, that combination of cleaning products makes a lethal gas. Fortunately for us, we didn't use straight bleach. We probably would have been dead by the time the others came back from the gas station.

After our near death experience, we determined we needed to completely empty out the toilet. Why? You ask? It seemed like a good thing to do at the time. I think it was because every time we turned the water back on to see if the chemicals dissolved the stubborn blockage the toilet would fill back up again. Still rocking our garbage bag arms, we found some Glad Tupperware in Jen's kitchen and began to scoop the water out of the toilet and put it in the bathtub.

After a few minutes of this, Cyndi turned to me and said, "I have to go to the bathroom."

"I'm sorry, but this one is occupied at the moment. Why didn't you go with the others to the Gas Station."

"Oh no, I can't do that. That's not sanitary. I'll just go outside."

I just stared at her. Speechless.

When Cyndi returned from her more sanitary bathroom selection, we gave up on ever unclogging the toilet. When they returned from the gas station, I told Jen that I was just going to have to pay for a plumber to come and unclog the poor toilet. Of course Jen wouldn't allow it, but I knew secretly that I would somehow pay for it.

Jen had called her husband Chris and told him what was going on. When he got home I told him that I would have to pay for a plumber to come out to unclog the toilet because there was no way that a plunger was going to do the trick. Even though we explained every method that we had used to attempt to extricate the blockage, he went in the bathroom and tried it anyway.


The door was closed for about 5 minutes and while we were all waiting patiently, we expected him to come out of the bathroom defeated.


This was not the case.


After a few hits with the plunger, Chris was able to achieve the impossible.  He freed the toilet from its despair.

I still say we just loosened it for him. 


*Meagan, feel free to correct any information that is incorrect in this story.

Resolution

My goal for this year is to read 3 books a month.  So far this year I have read Eclipse (in four days).  I've started on Breaking Dawn and Alice in Wonderland, and I am listening to Pride and Prejudice.

How is it that I have never read Alice in Wonderland?  Actually, I still haven't.  But, I have read more now than I ever have.  What a fantastically, imaginative, trip through dreamland.  To be as creative as Lewis Carroll, how amazing would that be? 

I love writers who inspire me to write.